Journal (Rambly Musings)

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Lookit lookit lookit!

I (finally) fixed the archive thing! Behold, all my previous posts, in all their splendid glory.

(How much time you got?? ;)

posted by Jill 2:58 a.m.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

Notes From JillWorld

1. Richard is now my neighbour! WOO!!

2. Jared will be soon. Wow.. 2 friends in my (new) neighbourhood.

3. At the gym this morning, this guy who really looked like he knows what he's doing in the gym, if you know what I mean, saw me doing my hanging abs and went, "Wow, I could never do that." Hehehhehe.... I ROCK! *flexing for effect*

posted by Jill 11:18 a.m.

This is Me

My "Signature Themes," according to StrengthsFinder from Gallup:


I D E A T I O N
People strong in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.


C O N N E C T E D N E S S
People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason.


B E L I E F
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.


A D A P T A B I L I T Y
People strong in the Adaptability theme prefer to "go with the flow." They tend to be "now" people who take things as they come and discover the future one day at a time.


E M P A T H Y
People strong in the Empathy theme can sense the feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or others' situations.


posted by Jill 12:42 a.m.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Show! She Speaks: A Celebration Of Life

The show! The big show. It has happened! It's over! It was great!! I wasn't feeling so great about the last show I put on in September at the Veggie Food Fair, or my party in October, but this show is one I'm very proud of and will remember for a long time to come. There was veritable magic in the air. What a great feeling for the last show I'm putting on in a long time.

We didn't do too badly $$-wise either. I know it's not as much as Lisa wanted, but we did raise a few hundred for our charity. We had a pretty good turnout (my aunt and cousins came! that was pretty cool.). Not bad for some last minute show-promoting!

I only did one piece myself (though I did do a fair chunk of the hosting) and got a few new fans. (With stars in their eyes. It was so cute!!) Woo! I was also told I make a good host.

And now I go to sleep.

posted by Jill 2:12 a.m.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

The Cows Are Proud of Me!

A farmgirl friend of mine sent me this message regarding the big show I've been organizing for tonight and will also be performing at:

I am sorry to have to miss it, but I am milking cows for the week again! We are proud of you, even if we are not there in body, we are there in spirit!

posted by Jill 11:58 a.m.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Just Because I'm Not Supposed To

*Negative stuff about Jeff from the Kindly Ones* Hahahha! ;)

posted by Jill 3:10 p.m.

Halloween Story

Here's the story I meant to post on Halloween that I wrote for a Halloween poetry (er, and prose) night.

--------------------------------------------

She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but he was just always, sort of, there. A man she had bumped into in a bookstore a few weeks before. An older gentleman, well dressed, a little bit cavalier. (more)

posted by Jill 2:03 p.m.

JAmes

> [ Fri Jul 11, 01:15:23 PM | Jill Binder ]
> More Changes
>
> JAmes has been removed too.
> Again, if that (your blog status) changes, please tell me.

Pursuant to my post of July 11, 2003, JAmes has been reinstated. (Despite the fact that he didn't tell me. :P )

posted by Jill 1:23 p.m.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

The Svelte Singer

I realized tonight how far I've come.

1.
Someone said he didn't recognize me because I've lost weight! (I haven't weighed myself or anything but I do know my great exercise program has enabled me to fit into clothing I had been having difficulties getting into.) (Umm, it was probably also the longer hair, different glasses, and new self-confidence, but, you know. :)

2.
In the past, I would apologize before singing when I was on stage. I'd occasionally try it at a poetry reading but wouldn't be caught dead singing in a room full of singers.

Lately I've been singing at poetry readings without apologizing, and have been even sometimes complimented for my singing.

Tonight I had to fight myself to not apologize in front of the room of musicians/singer-songwriters. I knew it would be a cop-out if I did, so I decided to just go for it. Now this is the kicker: I was complimented for my singing! Not just a "ya that was nice," but a real, genuine, blown-away-dazed-look-on-face gushing about the poetry and my singing.

I guess confidence can fool anyone. ;)

posted by Jill 1:37 a.m.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Many Things

There are so many things I could blog about. The coaching course I was just in (and the insanity of the hours, getting there, and the pursuant lack of sleep!), my always interesting always crazy dating life (right now I'm in a bad mood about it), how my business is going and the interesting (and hard to get to) networking events I've gone to recently, the big event I've been pouring a lot of time and energy into which is coming up next week (!!), the play I went to last week (a certain ex would be so proud!), and the new and great friendship that has recently begun. So unoften do I really connect with someone. I'm very happy to see my presence keeps popping up in his blog. :) Makes me smile every time I see that.

posted by Jill 10:38 a.m.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

I Love Coaching

That's all I want to say.

I really really do. I'm very, very good at it!

posted by Jill 11:25 a.m.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Contract

ob·fus·cate
tr.v. ob·fus·cat·ed, ob·fus·cat·ing, ob·fus·cates

1. To make so confused or opaque as to be difficult to perceive or understand: “A great effort was made... to obscure or obfuscate the truth” (Robert Conquest).
2. To render indistinct or dim; darken: The fog obfuscated the shore.


Sentence: I have been obfuscated!

(Toldja I'd post it. :)

posted by Jill 12:54 a.m.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Like me at a Vegan Poets conference!

My roommate was telling me this morning about this acting gig she had yesterday and has again today.... Getting up in front of about 3000 at a men's Christian "how to be better people & husbands" conference," and how she was like, "hello! i could find my future husband here!" I said, "Are you kidding me?? It would be like me at a Vegan male poets conference!!"

Side note: A friend of mine did a little psychic reading for me while we were waiting between shifts at this odd job I was doing yesterday handing out flyers for Future Shop (sounds dumb.. but it was fun and was a bit of extra cash). I wanted to know about finding my future mate, and it came out very strongly that that is not where my focus is, that I should be focusing on my business. However........ If you are a Vegan male atheist poet and are reading this and happen to fall in my lap, I won't be complaining!!

posted by Jill 9:11 a.m.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Cruel, cruel joke

Perhaps it's someone's idea of a cruel, cruel, cruel joke.

I was up til 3:30am yesterday, doing work and winding down for bed. (I'd had a pretty amazing night at the Ryze networking mixer.) It was late enough that I was going to forego my sworn "rise and get workin'" time (which I've been pretty diligent at doing, even when I'm up late).

Exhibit A: There have been signs all over my building the last few days that there would be fire drills all day today.

Exhibit B: At around 8am this morning, the fire alarm went off.

My natural assumption/conclusion? Pull the covers over my head tighter until it goes away.

Did it go away? No. It kept going for 20 minutes. It was ~~~evil~~~. (I'm not a morning person anyway, and everything seems pretty evil in the morning. Something like this was the most evilest.) So around the 20 minute mark, I'm like, hey, maybe this is a real fire. Wouldn't that be awful! "Apartment burns down - tenants think it's fire drill"

I get my lazy a** out of bed, the fire officers take second glances at me because while everyone else looks perky, I basically look like the walking undead, and then find out, ya, real fire alarm, no, not real fire. It was someone's kitchen smoke.

Now getting back to sleep is difficult. I'm still the walking undead. This must be someone's idea of a cruel, cruel, cruel joke.

(Good night everyone!! (I hope))
posted by Jill 8:40 a.m.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Remembrance Day

Today is Remembrance Day, and I was thinking about all the soldiers who paid their lives to give us and the world better lives. And what are we doing with these better lives? We're complaining bitterly that what we have isn't good enough.

Then I was thinking that that's how it should be. We don't have to worry about our survival or our lives, so we can be thinking at a level higher, where we look beyond living day to day and look at how things can be better. Like when I was working for big blue, it was surviving but it wasn't good enough for me. Now I'm off looking at how I can make the world a better place.

Once we're there, it probably still won't be good enough, because there is always improvements to be made. As it should be!

posted by Jill 11:58 p.m.

Monday, November 10, 2003

I inspired a poem!

Unrequited and Company, by Myna Wallin

Ruth is still in love with Frankie, her ex.
She had to break it off
because he couldn't get Danielle out of
his head, who in turn loved Sven, her ex,
who unexpectedly loved Nathaniel, who was his --

And all the exes trailed off like
an Escher drawing, down and up
a winding staircase, that ended and began
on a four-tiered wedding cake.

But as soon as the breakup is complete
each new ex shifts in position,
becoming the one that is most pined for.
Proving: hindsight is love’s craftiest illusion

And you’ve got to appreciate a little irony
now and then.


posted by Jill 7:51 p.m.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

JAmes!

JAmes was here this weekend! Hoorray! Monkey! Hazah! Potato! Monkey-water-box! Not so much.

posted by Jill 7:23 p.m.

Friday, November 07, 2003

Welcome to the Real World

The MeATRIX

posted by Jill 4:57 p.m.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Oh what I wouldn't give for the power of invisibility

I was stood up by my learner at the literacy centre tonight. Just as well, I didn't want to talk to anyone today. Today was, let's just say, a very, very bad day. The kind of day that makes me question..... oh..... *everything.*

Things are not working out with the man I want to be with. I had the profound realization last night that for the last couple of years I have been living in fantasy about something that will never really truly happen. My whole initiative over the last while of getting in touch with my emotions seems to have worked. The good news is I am able to feel and to cry! The bad news is I'm able to feel and to cry! Big huge teardrops running down my cheeks at any time of day or night, no matter where I am, not caring in front of who. I don't ever remember having such big substantial uninhibited teardrops ever before. It feels quite neat.

Things haven't been looking so great with the business lately, either. I'm not getting the bigger alliances I wanted, I'm not getting a loan, I'm not getting a contract job that was looking really good, and basically my life has become filled with rejection. Up until today I was able to say, "At least I have a publicist! With her I'll get some great alliances and some great publicity!" I got a note from her today. She doesn't think the trading will work out and she wants to cancel the deal. (Editor's note: she may be rethinking after my response to her.)

This morning I had to be up at 6am (I got about 5 hours sleep :( ) for my cousin's bar mitzvah. That was alright, other than my extreme exhaustion. I decided to take a little nap afterwards, which turned into 2 1/2 hours and I missed a lunch with a journalist and a smoking cessation counsellor. (It's ok, I told them before-hand I might not make it since I didn't know what was happening with my family after the bar mitzvah.)

I still think often about Jeff, the man I rejected in a not good way earlier this year who won't talk to me now, not until I'm "ready for a committment" with him. I think about him even more on not good days like today. I've been dying to know, more and more, how he's doing. I did a search on him today in my state of utter lowness and found that he actually has a site up and running, like he said he'd like to do someday. It was so great to see that he's doing really well. I'm so happy for him. I wonder if he ever still thinks about me or even reads my blog...

I, however, am still not happy. Today sucks. Tomorrow is another day.

(The good news is with my new state of allowing myself to "feel" like this (or feel anything for that matter), the amount I can feel low is the same amount I can feel up! So I know I'll feel very, very up!)
posted by Jill 8:45 p.m.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Here's to Great New Friends

Lately I've been connecting, I mean really connecting, with some new people. On that intellectual mind-expanding plane that I love so much and have yearned for for too long.

Figures. Whenever I start seriously thinking about leaving a city, that's when I make those deeper connections.

(On the bright side, some of my very closest friends are the people I connected with just before leaving a city.)

One of them in particular is this extremely quickly comfortable friendship where anything (anything!) can be said. I can't remember having this much fun, having these kinds of discussions, and having time melt away just from good discussions in far, far too long. There are very few people with whom I will spend time often (more than once every month or more). In the 2 weeks since we met, we have communicated almost every day and have hung out quite a bit (by my standards) (even if the hanging needs to be quick because I'm still super-busy-woman!).

I feel very blessed!

posted by Jill 1:47 a.m.

A Quote I Want to Remember

"The only true mistakes are fatal ones. All the rest are lessons."

posted by Jill 1:32 a.m.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Wise Things

1. My weekend at the Wisdom course was fantabulous. I'm going to have a rocking good business now!! Clean up my relationships too. They're very messy. Spend my time, energy, money on the things I'm really committed to. The list goes on and on. The things I learned go much deeper, but that's just a taste. My head is swimming with the things I learned!

2. Interesting Link - Got milk and... got osteoporosis?
posted by Jill 9:38 p.m.